Transformers Huminated: Nature Calls
by TheWeasel027
Summary: Prowl, Bumblebee and Sari get more than they bargained for when they head out to the remote woods to investigate a mysterious energy signal.
1. We Are Going Camping!

Sparkplug Witwicky stood out in the cold sipping on a cup of hot cocoa. He'd had a pretty sweet gig working on the construction site. But that was before those two Decepticons showed up and trashed it. Now he was monitoring some automated construction equipment dig a tunnel through the mines for the new Sumdac Systems refinery. He sighed. The winter months had already arrived and coated the forest in a blanket of snow. Sparkplug thought of his son, grandson, and daughter-in-law. He couldn't wait for Christmas to arrive and finally take a few weeks off. He heard some shuffling in the snow. He looked around. Nothing. He went back to his cocoa. He heard another sound and stared at a hideous creature. He ran as fast as he could away. The monster wrapped a slimy tentacle around the construction-bots and sucked them in.

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Prowl sat in the snow, meditating. The icy cold stung his body, but it felt rather pleasant. The numbness somehow created a certain serenity inside him. a calmness. It allowed him to collect his thoughts. To focus. But just then, a snow plow broke his serenity and shoved a pile of snow right on top of him. Prowl burst out of the snow shivering and teeth chattering. He'd had enough of the cold for a bit.

***************************************************************

"It's as if these people are at war with nature!" Prowl paced back and forth, "Beauty literally falls from the sky and they _rush_ to destroy it with their machines! They won't stop until all of nature's beauty is gone." Prowl looked at Bumblebee and Sari who were still playing a video-game. "Have you even _heard_ a word I said?!"

"Oh sure, yeah," Bumblebee waved Prowl away.

"Then what did I just say?"

"Something, something, nature, something, destroy machines, something, blah blah." Sari giggled with Bumblebee.

"Is your commitment to all these electronic devices really necessary?"

"Hate to break it to ya but," Bumblebee tapped on Prowl's holograph projector causing an image of Prowl to appear, "you use electronic devices on an everyday basis." Prowl turned off the projector, and shut off the game.

"Hey! What you do that for?! I was on level two-thirty!"

"Autobots, listen up," Optimus called, "Teletraan-1 just picked up something Cybertronian coming from the forest."

"Decepticon?" Bumblebee asked.

"No it's nonsentient. Probably a piece of our ship. Prowl, you and Bumblebee track it down and bring it back to the base. Before it falls into the wrong hands."

Eeeeeeeeee! Camping trip!" Sari cheered, "I mean, as your resident Earth expert, I should go along to supervise and help explain the complexities of nature."

"Well I don't suppose there's any harm in it." Sari started doing an excited dance.

"Camping?!" Bumblebee exclaimed, "As in leaving the comfort of civilization?! As in no TV? No music?! No video games?! As in MY BRAIN'S GONNA ROT FROM BOREDOM?!"

"Don't worry Bumblebee," Sari patted his arm, "Camping's easy. I'll show you the ropes."

"Actually, you both could use a chance to get away from it all for a day or two," Optimus advised, "Think of it as a character builder." Prowl and Bumblebee looked at each other.

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"You sure you know how to use all this junk?" Bumblebee was still struggling to keep the Auto-Rover's storage closet from bursting open.

"What's to know? We roast marshmallows, tell ghost stories, sing campfire songs."

"There's more to nature than these odd Earth customs and mellow-marshes," Prowl reminded.

"By the way Prowl," Bumblebee said, "Mind if we switch places?"

"Ratchet specifically said to not let you drive."

"Ah he's not here."

"That doesn't mean I'm letting you drive." Bumblebee groaned.

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"We can make a camp here," Prowl pulled the Auto-Rover to a stop.

"Finally," Bumblebee released the closet door. Various electronics tumbled out into a pile. Prowl gave Bumblebee a look. "What? You said to pack the bare essentials."

"Since when are surround sound speakers, a strobe light, and a portable media player bare essentials?!"

"You shoulda seen what I left back at the plant."

"Ugh!"

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"Ow!" Bumblebee crawled out from the sheet that was the unfinished tent, "Screw this." He tossed away the hammer. Bumblebee grabbed the mini widescreen TV and wandered around the campground. He looked in the bushes and up the trees.

"So where do they hide the outlets?" he finally asked.

"For the hundredth time, there is no electricity. Fire is what provides warmth and light," Prowl reminded, "It's also nature's way of cleansing."

"Chainsaws and pavement are much more effective. Now help me find the Auto-Rover's outlets." Prowl slapped a hand to his forehead. Meanwhile, Sari banged two rocks together on a pile of twigs.

"Ow," she accidentally hit her thumb, "I could use some of that cleansing fire now. These marshmallows aren't gonna roast themselves." She then tried rubbing two sticks together, but Bumblebee stopped her.

"Uh, Sari, have you actually ever _been_ camping?"

"Of course I've—seen it! In a movie. Maybe."

"Uh huh. Need a hand?" Bumblebee strapped on his stinger and charged it. Prowl stopped him. He picked up the sticks hastily rubbed them together creating a fire. He tossed the flame into the stick pile. He then moved to the still incompleted tent. Within seconds he set up the tent.

"See? I don't need to learn any of this stuff. I've got you guys to back me up," Sari grinned.

"You must learn to survive without mechanical aid. You never know when you won't have them. Or us," Prowl warned.

"Whatever. Say, you guys wanna hear a ghost story?"

"_Hear_ a ghost story? I just found batteries for my media player!" Bumblebee exclaimed, "Which you wanna watch?"

"You don't even have a screen to project it onto," Prowl reminded.

"Way ahead of you nature-boy." Bumblebee ran behind Prowl and stuck a USB inside Prowl's holo-projector. The horror movie shot out of the projector. Before the movie could go any further than the titles, Prowl yanked the media player out then looked at Bumblebee. He threw it down on a rock and slammed his foot down on top of it.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Bumblebee's voice echoed throughout the woods.


	2. Worst Camping Trip Ever

Bumblebee and Sari were lying in the tent snoring away while Prowl watched the fire. Sari stirred when she heard a sound.

"What was that?"

"Monster!" Bumblebee jumped up and accidentally yanked the tent from the ground.

"Relax Bumblebee."

"I've seen enough creature features to know that any poor sap who gets suckered into some lame camping trip winds up getting chased down by a monster!" Prowl flicked on a flashlight and pointed it around the camp. The light hit a shadowed lump that growled.

"They're called bears," Prowl said, "and they're hardly—" The "bear" pushed down two trees and lumbered into the camp, revealing its true self as a monster. It had no head and one large eye on its chest with several other eyes on its slimy body. It had stumps for feet and the components of the construction-bots for hands.

"Gee Prowl, I didn't know bears had shovels for hands. I guess I _did_ learn something during our camping trip."

"Sh. First we must determine this creature's intentions." Before Prowl could get a closer look, it whacked Prowl with its shovel hand and stumbled to Bumblebee.

"I'm gonna go with hostel," Bumblebee squeaked.

"Prowl?" Sari kneeled over Prowl, "Are you okay?"

"Sari! Look out!" Bumblebee alerted. The creature loomed above her and raised its pickaxe hand. Bumblebee shot a stinger blast at it. "Why don't you pick on someone your own size!" The monster swung at Bumblebee. "Maybe we're a little unclear about your own size."

"Maybe you should stop talking logic to a creature that _has no head_!" Sari suggested. Prowl attacked with his shuriken, but the monster absorbed them.

"The creature appears to be made of metal wrapped in living organism," Prowl concluded.

"I think it might be Cybertronian," Sari suggested.

"What makes you say that?"

"Call it a hunch." Sari looked down at her key which was glowing and floating towards the monster.

"So much for that 'piece of our ship' theory," Bumblebee said, "How do we stop it?!"

"Just like any other opponent!" Prowl instructed, "Search for its weakness!" The monster swung at them then went after Prowl. It swung and struck as fast as it could, but Prowl was faster.

"Still searching I take it?" Bumblebee joked.

"We just need to formulate a plan."

"How's this for a plan?" Bumblebee picked up Sari and sped away, "Run!" Prowl followed and soon took the lead with his speed. The monster stomped behind them. After a minute of running, the monster could no longer be heard.

"I think we've lost it," Prowl said.

"What I tell you about camping?" Bumblebee said, "_Monsters_. TV is always right."

"Wait, monsters are real? Tudor-bot is such a liar!" Sari pouted.

"It's not a monster! You said it yourself, it's Cybertronian," Prowl reminded.

"So you got anything that ugly back on Cybertron?"

"Yeah, but Bulkhead's back at the plant," Bumblebee pointed a thumb over his shoulder.

"Can we please just focus?" Prowl begged, "And stick to the facts. We know it's made of nonsentient metal covered in living organisms that give off a Cybertronian energy."

"Space barnacles," Prowl and Bumblebee gasped at once.

"Barnacles?" Sari asked, "Like those gross things attach to boats?"

"Only when a space barnacle attaches to a ship it drains its energy and acts like a computer virus. It must've attached to our ship and picked up residual Cybertronian energy," Prowl concluded.

"That explains the energy signature we picked up back at the plant. So why don't we just burn em off like we used to do the barnacles on our ship?" Bumblebee suggested.

"These seem to be more powerful. They weren't just draining those construction-bots of their energy. They were controlling them. Something on earth must've mutated them."

"Probably all this fresh air. Give em the bright lights; big city."

"And they could infect every machine in Detroit."

"So we have to go find that thing?" Bumblebee groaned.

"Ah great, just when we got done running away from it," Sari sighed. Her key glowed and pointed a ray of light.

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"What is this place?" Bumblebee stared at the mine entrance.

"I think it's one of my dad's mining sites. He's always got people digging here," Sari said, "Who knows what he's looking for?" The key started blinking. "I think it's picking up a signal."

"Must be residual energy. The creature has definitely been here," Prowl concluded.

"Think it went inside for desert?"

"Just be careful," Prowl warned, "And don't let the barnacles touch you or _you'll_ be desert too." Prowl plucked a pole out of the ground and posed a battle stance. Bumblebee charged his stingers. Sari picked up a snowball. They all stood poised and ready for battle.

"ATTENTION BARNACLE MONSTER!" Bumblebee called into the mine, "Come out with your hands over your—Well, you don't have a head. But you get the idea!" Sari sighed.

"Do you _mind_?" Prowl snapped.

"What? I'm just trying to break the tension." Prowl felt a snowball drop on his head.

"Do _you_ mind?!"

"That wasn't me!" Sari retorted. Several more snowballs dropped from above. Then a rock plopped on Bumblebee's head. The three looked up and stared at the barnacle monster appearing over the mine's entrance. It shoved down an avalanche. Bumblebee grabbed Sari and ran inside the mine before the avalanche sealed off the only entrance. And exit…

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"Well this totally sucks. I can't see my hand in front of my face!" Bumblebee waved his invisible hands. "Ah! Something just brushed my leg!"

"That was me," Sari sighed.

"Oh. think there's a light switch or something?"

"Not that _I_ can see."

"Oh ha ha," Bumblebee said sarcastically, "Wait, let me try something." Bumblebee charged his stingers and shot them up. The lightning temporarily lit up the tunnel, but went back to darkness. He tried again but still to no avail. Bumblebee managed to see where a light was and shot a bolt at it. The shock jumpstarted the lights and soon washed away some of the darkness so they could at least see what was in front of them.

"Looks like there's some more tunnels that way," Sari pointed.

"Looks like all that time playing 'Medieval Maze Monsters' are about to pay off." Sari jumped on Bumblebee's back. He activated his heel wheels and skated off. "Okay, the sun rises in the east, so the maze never starts sideways." Bumblebee turned various corners while instructing himself. "Always make two rights, then a left, and skip every other turn. And that should take us—!" Bumblebee skidded to a halt.

"Right back where we started," Sari sighed.

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The monster jumped down and stomped onto the ground. It looked around for its targets. Prowl tossed a shuriken in its back. It turned around. Prowl just stood in front of the avalanche. The monster charged through the hologram and knocked down the snow blockade. Bumblebee and Sari gasped. Before it could attack them, Prowl distracted it with another shuriken. It turned back around and searched the forest for Prowl. It knocked down trees but couldn't find him. Prowl appeared hanging from a branch behind it.

"Let's turn up the heat on these barnacles!" he activated his jump jets. The fire shot out and scorched the monster. The monster yelped in pain and struck Prowl with its pickaxe which was now encrusted with barnacles. Before it could deliver the final blow, Bumblebee charged his stingers and fired a huge burst of electricity at the monster.

"This sure beats roasting swamp-mellows!" he laughed.

"That's marshmallows," Sari corrected. The monster screamed in pain and backed away towards a ledge. Bumblebee continued the electric onslaught sending the barnacle monster toppling backwards over the ledge.

"Ha ha! One order of fried space barnacles coming up!" The monster splashed in a river. "Make that _poached_ barnacles. Well well. Look where nature got you. Barnacles! Luckily we can depend on good ol' mother technology. Right Prowl?" Prowl stumbled to stand up and shivered. But, it wasn't shivering. He was shaking.

"R-run!" he ordered. He turned around revealing the barnacle infestation along his arm then roared. Sari screamed.

"Don't worry Sari! If anyone can fight the control of those space barnacles, it's my buddy Prowl!" Bumblebee cheered. Prowl lumbered closer and roared at them. "We're slagged…"


	3. Zoinks! Zombies!

"Come on Prowl! You're not gonna let a bunch of wimpy space barnacles control you are you?" Bumblebee feebly asked.

"Maybe my key can help," Sari offered.

"Or he might infect your key. We need to take Prowl's advice and run!" Bumblebee threw Sari onto his back and ran away. When he got enough speed he activated his heel-wheels and darted away. "We need to head back to the plant and get Prime and Ratchet's help. They'll know how to fix Prowl! And the best part is that we can finally leave this stupid nature!"

"But won't Prowl just follow us and spread barnacles all over Detroit?" Bumblebee stopped.

"It's not fair. Why do you have to be so right? All the time?!"

"What about your comlink?"

"Good idea!" Bumblebee reached for the comlink in his ear. It was gone. "Oh man! It must be back at the camp!" Bumblebee slapped a hand to his forehead.

"We need to head back to the mine."

"Which way is that?"

"I dunno! Don't you have some sort of navigation thing?" Bumblebee reached into his pocket.

"Just this video-game," he smiled nervously. Sari sighed. Prowl pushed a tree down and almost hit Bumblebee. Bumblebee set Sari down. "Sari! Run!" Prowl kicked Bumblebee away. Sari pulled a branch down and released it causing it to smack Prowl in the face and send him rolling down a hill. Bumblebee got up and shook off the snow.

"Hey! Your tracks!" Sari pointed at Bumblebee's wheel tracks.

"So I messed up the pretty white woods. Big deal. Geez, you sound just like Prowl."

"No, we can follow them to the mines and seal Prowl inside."

"Right! _Then_ we get Prime and Ratchet's help!"

******************************************************************

Bumblebee and Sari crawled over the snow pile that halfway blocked the mine entrance. Prowls moans and growls could be heard right behind them. Prowl's infection had now spread all over his left arm, shoulder, chest, and most of his face, other arm, and legs.

"That's right barnacle boy! Come and get some nice tasty Autobot!" Sari pointed at Bumblebee.

"Hey! Who's side are you on anyway?"

"He's following us isn't he?" The two went a little bit further in. Prowl climbed to the top of the snow pile.

"Those barnacles must've drained all your ninja smarts. Cuz you fell right into our trap!" Bumblebee shot a bolt of electricity that cut away at the support that held the ceiling over Prowl's head up. A pile of snow and rocks fell down and sealed off the exit. This time Bumblebee only needed one try to turn on the lights.

"Uhh, Bumblebee, I think you were supposed to do that from the OUTSIDE!"

"What?! OH MAN!"

"Hey, what was that other plan you had?"

"You mean the one that goes: RUN!" Bumblebee grabbed Sari, jumped in a cart, and rolled away. "We need to burn off those barnacles! Help me find a tree I can light on fire with my stingers!"

"Bumblebee! Trees don't grow underground! We're in the middle of a _mine_!"

"Correction! We're at the end of a mine." Bumblebee pulled the brakes just before the cart collided with a dead end. Prowl's moans could be heard getting closer. "How the heck did he catch up so quickly?!"

"Shortcuts?"

"I hate you." Prowl appeared from behind a corner. "There is _no way_ I'm gonna become a barnacle's breakfast!" Bumblebee pushed the cart and slammed it into Prowl. "I hope he doesn't remember that when he turns back to normal." Bumblebee and Sari ran into a small corridor. "We need to find some way to burn off those barnacles!"

"Your stingers?"

"That'll fry him too. Wait! Yes! A _fire_ hose!" Bumblebee pulled out the fire hose and aimed at Prowl. "Eat fire space parasite!" Bumblebee sprayed a jet of water at Prowl. "Water?! I thought this thing said '_fire_' hose!" Sari just looked at him boredly. "Oh, right."

"Fire hose? Wait that's it!" Sari ran into the nearby furnace room. "Bumblebee drag the hose in here!" Bumblebee nodded, detached the hose and ran inside the furnace room. Prowl made a strike at Bumblebee, but he dodged and slammed the door shut. Then let out a relieved sigh.

"Okay, I can hook up this fire hose to the hot water main and boost it up with my key. If I'm right this'll burn off the bugs while only giving Prowl a hot bath." Sari attached the hose to the pipe and pressed the on button. Nothing happened. She pressed it some more.

"Come on! Heat up already! Bumblebee! Zap this thing with your stinger!" Bumblebee simply stood there. Shivering. "Bumblebee?" Bumblebee turned and growled. Sari saw the space barnacles on his jacket and neck. Sari shot a jet of water at Bumblebee knocking him to the door.

"'Get away from it all,' he says. 'Think of it as a character builder,' he says! Thanks a lot guys!" Sari yanked off her key and shoved it inside the control panel. Still, nothing happened. "What? You can bring an Autobot back to life but you can't light a fire? STUPID KEY!" Sari banged the key on the panel causing a spark. Suddenly Sari got an idea. Just then, Prowl broke through the door, and Bumblebee recovered from the water blast and got up. They then lumbered over to Sari who had run to the furnace. Sari banged her key on the furnace coil. The coil glowed red and heated up. Sari grinned and squeaked.

"Bath time kids!" Sari turned on the water and sprayed it all over Prowl and Bumblebee. Soon enough, they stopped painfully groaning and started painfully yelping.

"OW! AH! HOT! HOT! SARI! STOP! YOW!" Bumblebee begged. Sari turned off the water. All three of them stood soaked to the bone and shivering. Steam filled the room. Bumblebee and Prowl were now lobster-red.

"What was that for?!" Bumblebee demanded. Sari sighed.

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"And then, they were back to normal. Like nothing'd ever happened. Meanwhile, we're stuck riding home in a tank that apparently has _no_ heater and no dry clothes! Now, will someone please tell me how, all three of us go through that, I'm the hero of the day, and yet _I'm_ the only one WHO CATCHES A _COLD_?! Achoo!" Sari sniffled.

"You showed a lot of courage today Sari," Optimus congratulated, "And hopefully you'll stop, uhh," Optimus leaned to Prowl and whispered, "What's it called again?"

"Hel-_lo_ it's called sneezing! Achoo!" Sari blew her nose loudly.

"Yech, I don't even wanna know what that's called," Bumblebee choked.

"And we owe you a _tremendous_ debt of gratitude," Prowl thanked.

"And _you_ owe _me_ a new media player. Or did you think I forgot?"

"Oh, so you learned _nothing_ from this experience?"

"Actually I did. I learned that we should _pave_ it all over as soon as we get the chance."

"Surely you don't blame all of nature for a few barnacles do you?"

"You don't see my game player turning people into zombies do you?!"

"Actually…"

"Guys!" Sari interrupted, "That monster was made of barnacles _and_ bolts. Just like our team is Earthling and Cybertronian. Nature and technology working TOGETHER!" Prowl and Bumblebee looked away from each other uncomfortably.

"You still owe me a new media player…" Bumblebee mumbled.

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Isaac Sumdac stopped in his truck and eagerly jumped out then ran to the dead barnacle monster.

"The source of the energy signal!" he marveled and kneeled over it eyeing its technorganic nature, "I've never seen anything like it! How could this have avoided my detection for so many years? I must admit my surprise at hearing about my robots disappearing due to some monster eating them over the last few years. But I suppose I've been proven otherwise. And here it is! The final piece of the puzzle to creating a technorganic body! Megatron will be so surprised!"


End file.
